Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
