Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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