FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
