Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
