is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
