The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
