well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
