when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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