Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
