I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
