I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
