you lied. pity sex is amazing.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
