just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
