forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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