Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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