Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize