just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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