You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
