I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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