The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
