So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
