fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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