Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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