I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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