This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
