When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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