if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
