The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?