I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor