R you on birth control?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
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good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream