You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children