ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Everclear isn't food dammit