Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
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A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.