dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
