fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude i'm inner monologue high
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
