I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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