Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
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he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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