Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
smell my finger.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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