Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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