Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
