Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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