ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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