It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
