My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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