If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
