WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
