Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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