He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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