I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
