If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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