New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
