So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
