I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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