Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my being single is dangerous.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
