Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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