ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
