I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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