my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
