i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
