I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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