just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
