i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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