we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
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You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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