did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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