somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
